Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
