do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
