I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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