She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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