hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
