y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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