you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize