I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
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I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize