What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
