My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
