soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
