i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
