4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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