I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
