he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
