"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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