Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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