I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
