I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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