So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
