It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
