I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
