Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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