Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
