My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
