I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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