He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
