I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
