I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
