You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
