I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
