My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
