There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
