Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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