Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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