Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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