Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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