god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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