he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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