dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
