nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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