You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
