New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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