Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
