Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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