I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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