last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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