how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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