I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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