Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
