So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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