New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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