I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
