Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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