let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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