You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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