You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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