I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
