this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
