I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
