you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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