chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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