we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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