we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
