woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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