Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize