apparently the secret to your success is patron
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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