some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
send nudes
from the living room?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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