she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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