I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
