She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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